Pulled Pork Always Comes First (both for gags and goodness.)

Second, is the Beast Tongue Recipe�mostly one would think out of curiosity� but there may be a huge number of peeps testing out the joys of making tenderer and less fatty corned beef. Either way the chasing granny moment is a fine thing.

Third comes Da Cream Of Anaheim Green Chili Zuppa for ease and tastiness and that one has gotten a lot of raves in the simple and yummy departments.

And forth consistently is the Apple Pie�mostly one would think because of the Monty Pythonesque moments and the fish-breath and explosions. Plus there is lip-licking-lard� and no one should go without that now and again.

So. In honor of the ongoing tradition of bringing you a meal to join the boys with on the �morrow� and just having done the grocery shopping� It made sense to drop you something fun and easy.

Again, note that Kitchen-Talent isn't required for you to have this meal taste as it should�as it is literally as easy as the directions below.

Preheat an oven to 325� F or 163� C.

� Get a dead foul or hen-like thing (consider one normal size bird per 2.5 humans and you do the math on the addition.)

� Wash yer goddamned dirty and bacteria covered mitts.

� Rinse said rotting bird carcass under cold water.

� Yank out any of the various innards that might be tucked in the cavity and rinse again�being sure to rinse under portions like the bird�s armpits.

� Put the bird(s) in a roasting pan with a rack or cheat and use a broiling pan to keep the drippings off the formerly feathered friend�s back.

� Get a couple of lemons (fresh) per bird� and quarter them.

� Stuff Dem Lemons Right Up The Former Keister Hole of Your Soon To Be Yummy Yet Foul Meal. Try to get the pulp sides outward mostly but don�t go nuts over it.

� Get out a basting brush, a bbq brush or a paper towel and put some soy sauce on it� or just do it DaWay DaSauce and pour the Soy into your big ol� paws and massage it onto the whole exterior of the bird. This serves two purposes. One is flavor and crispy-goodness and the other is called Cheating Yer Ass Off and making something a compelling looking golden brown just by rubbing some nebulous brown stuff on it and then cooking it. The same should be done for turkeys and you�ll find that the color is always perfection.

� Cook the bird for about an hour and ten minutes (adding about five per extra bird) If you ended up with a BIG MOFO OVEN STUFFER ROASTER BIRD? First trim all the excess fat around the frigging cavity as those birds are fat ass beasts. And then do all the same stuff except for cooking it for about an hour and 55.

� Once in the oven, wash your hands again before touching other foods. Folks who get this part down almost never get food poisoning�which makes one think that the poisoning might not be EXACTLY the food. Duh.

For those who are terrified of carving and think they�ll look imbecilic by missing the joints and making Hen hash? Three suggestions.

1. Practice on your own if you want to do it for others. And just remember that carving is really easy as you should let the birds settle until you can touch them anyway as they�ll be tastier and juicier that way. Carving is simple. Move the parts. Make waving motions with them. Then where it moves best? Cut. And as to breast? Even easier. Once you have the other extremities off�cut inward where there is bone and meat to the touch at the far bottom of the breast. And then feel for the breast-bone and slice downward to your other cut, each time you strike bone smidge the knife outward a touch.

2. Make someone else do it. It�ll make them feel important and you won�t have to worry about seeming silly.

3. Wash your hands. Do it the Sauce Way. When the bird is just cool enough so that you don�t shriek when you pick it up in two hands? Yank the joint apart using yer muscles against their now cooked tendons�. And Dig into the top of the breast with a finger, and peel it loose. The easiest way to carve a bird is to rip it apart in a mostly graceful manner. But again? Wash your paws first.

Eat.

Serve with rice and a green veg or a light pasta and a yellow veg.

--SauceOfTomorrowNight�sDinner.