That said? Sheesh.

1. Simon and Garfunkle? Both should get their phrigging hairs cut. Edie Brickhead�s husband looks like a bad patch of lawn. Shave it. Shee-it! And at 63, Artie-Baby outta give up the half a head of colorized curls. Besides that, the word harmony never figured into their deer-in-the-headlights performance.

2. Hoffman Sucked�Five Martini afternoon? �Bruce SpringStreet?� Ramble, Ramble� �Say Now Baby� By I REALLY DOUBT that�s the name of any tune by OC�s most visible.

3. No Doubt, Next time lip-sync the country-band to Brittany Spears Meets Cirque two tune hybrid. And what was the shit on her bandeau style shirt? Lode? Lobe? Lone? Yawn. PS. Eat some food Gwen. Move it up to a couple hundred calories a day, OK?

4. Lou and Dave are the same person 25 years apart. Lou clearly has never given up the second career in H-land. They introduced a bunch of suck pop acts and it was shitty that the only tune I had actually heard of won.

5. Whoa! Heavy Enthusiasm from Tony B and Joey P. Gush much?

6. Norah, Still no presence�AT ALL. Still incredible. Smiled at her boy once. Hottest lips on the show. Wanted to borrow them for a few hours and use them on various locales. Good 5.1 mix� no off moments.

7. Kylie (ELDERLY AND FUGLY IN HD) and Justin the Gay. Intro�d best POP (goes the weasels) album, and DatSauceGuy found himself rooting for Pink because he felt like a trouble maker even though Norah Deserved it. Hey! Ms. Jones won! Color my ass surprised.

8. Cleopatra�s Who? Marc Anthony? This doesn�t look like a dog from Warner Bros. Cartoons. This is some Maric�n bitch. But hey! Tito Ref. Lifetime Achievement. Better Late than never. Cool!

9. Best Female Cuntry�Freudian-Typo-Sorry. Country Faith Who?!? YerSauce turned this skanky Celine wanna-be�s ass down. Was skank mentioned? This diarist wanted to cry with pain and gut cramps.

10. All commercials low-def? WTF?

11. Paul Schaffer has become Prince and Liberace�s love child.

12. Vanessa Carlton, Good pianist, but can you say nasal as hell? Someone teach this teenage-vamp how to EeNunSeeAte. When she�d try to go low and growl she sounded like a three year old.

13. John Mayer? This was a weird combination of good rhythm and mumble music from a turrets faced human. Did some chorus that went: �YaBarelyNeedSomeWanderin� The so-called skat at the end made me cry for Satch who was in excruciating pain in his grave at the time.

14. James Taylor had really cool Bright Blue Vein Trails All Over His Balding Head In High Def! The guy was totally on mark for the crap he does, perfect mix� Good 5.1. Yo-Yo-Ma-Ma should have been doing some freaky dance or something.

15. Pee Diddly and Used To Be Cute In Big Trouble In Little China But Now Looks Like A Gay Male In Drag, Catrell? Hey! Found out the name to Mumble Boy Mayer�s tune. Nice speech! He�s sixteen years old? OK. I�ll cut the little boy some slack. Less miffed about mouth-full-of-marbles boy now.

16. Best Wrap-Thingy? Petey Pablo was the only good entry as they all flashed past. Cocaine Cracker White Wanna-Be Wrapper in pastel Baby Blue. How cute. Little Brucey Mathers III clearly lived with mommy in the Trailer until age 26 (this in 1998.) Someone let his ass out in Compton for five minutes, OK?

17. Who is the woman in this Pink Leather Hell? Ex-Wrapper-Talk-Show-Host, ICK!!

18. Dixie Dicks. Wholly Shit. DatSauceGuy hated this tune from Stevie Nicks and hates it even more here. Nice Tammy Faye Make-Up, gals. Yep. That is some reeeel fiiiine Nasal-Ass-Twangy-Ho�Country. Argh. Except for the flat-as-hell harmonies. Yikes High Def Wonked on diagonals from the background screenage. At least that part was interesting. Hrm.

19. Damn. They won something. Polly PureBreadFace accepts. Ah, her gap-toothed DADDY produced. How nice. COOL! Now there�s this best-in-show shot of Peter Gabriel (as bald white-Van-Dyke-Guy) looking like someone just killed a dog in front of him. OK. That look of disgust at the Dixie Pricks was enough to make this all worth it.

20. The Great Johnny Leg! This person is good. He is carrying it off too. Nice. Heh. A little late on the Glenn Miller thing pholks. Sheesh.

21. Ugh. Uninspired Attempts at being the Boston Pops by the N.Y. Philharmonic. Double Ugh. Stereo Mix Only? Where�d the 5.1 go? Someone needs to remind the engineer that even though this sucks, as it is a Mambo Stylee Thing, we�d like to hear the percussion. YO! High Def Reflections In Horns A Highlight! Nice.

22. ColdPlay is Hell.

23. Can�t quit there. Did YerSauce mention That ColdPlay Is AyCH-EE-DOUBLE ELLE? Off-Key Spaz-Faced Falsetto Black Magic Marker Shit On Hands Microphone Gobbler Guy is saying something about �OpinYupErRiseZaaah?� Swell. EWWWW! And he has really bad HD teeth. Go down on that Phucking mike again and hide those choppers.

24. Had The Shits. Left For A While. Contemplated Why YerSauce Would Have The Trots at this moment.

25. Returned to see the end of heinous little never-been-punkina Avril doing her dull ass by the numbers shit, but without the excitement you�d get if you actually followed the numbers. HD WHITE OUT�Overblown and ha! Someone left the little wanna-be rockers broken guitar feeding back through the next sequence. Oops.

26. Wandered off for a bit and shot the shit with The Wonderful RokLobster.

27. Unh-Unh Noises From Some Guyish Looking Dame Named Nelly. YO! Whitney Houston Look OUT, it�s another crack user shitty warbley oversinging Bone Girl.

28. Fred Durst R Smaht. Real extra brainy-ack. Used the words �agree-ance about the war WE ARE BEING IN stopped soon." Oh, yeah. That�ll scare The Shrub into laying off�

29. Best Hard What?!? Intro�d by Skinny Blond Skank W/Horse Teeth� Hey Aerial by System of a Down is up for nomination. THEY BETTER WIN. Shit. Foo? What is that? Hard, my ass. Phuck PHOOO!

30. Didn�t survive two hours. Quit here. Boredom sucks. Turned it off. Sorry. Get the rest of the review from someone else.