In 12 days DaSauce will have been at this novice/fledgling diarist thing for 90 days. And then it�ll be time to decide whether it has been a fun experiment and say Adios�or extend it on for another 90. Either way, in most ways it has been an honest-to-phreaking-Allah-blast. YerSauce knows that there are a lot of folks who do one-a-them 100 Things About Me type-dealios when they hit the hundred mark, and although that would be fun�he has other plans for number 100. Thus this evening you get a high-speed boogie though 99 random things that may or may not be about this diarist, his son who hits 5.75 years old on 3/15, or bits of ICKY Boy INTROSPECTION. [Shudder.]

DatSauceGuy:

1. Has a cool little brown circular birthmark on the outside of his left leg by the knee.

2. Has a meeting with his boy�s teacher tomorrow about the lad deciding to pretend he was a dog today, and peeing on a tree at school.

3. Thinks that Our 25 Watt Fearless And Witless Leader: The Shrub sure showed big �nads to the planet this evening by using the word New-Kya-Lur about 38 times--rather than pretending he was something he wasn�t (like literate and smart) and saying New-CLEE-er properly.

4. Heard the rotten-ass song Torn Between Two Lovers as he was passing through a store this evening and still believes it is about a double penetration gone deeply and (ahem) tear-ably awry.

5. Wants to thank all the folks that suggested that they�d try the three-day Bundling torture test for him�or in a couple of surprising cases With HIM? (mentioned yesterday�) Kind sentiments, all.

6. Thought he was going to be a professional downhill racer as a child�but only made ninth in the state of Vermont (amateur-caliber at best) and that only in one year�

7. Wants to thank (as an Expat-Vermonter) all those who buy Ben & Jerry�s, Annie�s Dressings, Silly Teddy bears, Real Vermont Maple Syrup, annoying music from a band called Phish or whatever from their local vendor�as it is kind of them to support his home state.

8. Used to be able to get five quarters in each nostril as a child and wonders vaguely if he can still pull it off.

9. Saw a pregnant woman tonight in the glory of about two trimesters of bigness and remembered that he has never understood why so many guys think that pregger gals are low in the sexy statistics. This boy thinks they phucking RAWK.

10. Can move his right big toe from the knuckle up�back and forth, and is pretty sure (other than some kind of kegel-induced waving) that it is his only good stupid human trick.

11. Loves the number 11�but isn�t superstitious in the least. It is just a cool number.

12. Wants the time to spend at least a month on a Lamb Tasting Tour of New Zealand even if some kind-to-offer-other-tours Kiwi-gal can only think of frolicking cuteness instead of delicious little baaa�d to the bone meals.

13. Is currently on a Bad Brains run in his automobile�replaying the Rock For Light, I against I, and Quickness albums from that band incessantly and at volumes that are ear-bleedingly-joyful.

14. Is the only hetero guy he knows who almost always has a couple of bunches of fresh cut flowers around the house�and gents? If you have a problem with that? Phuck yerselves, they smell good�and this boy is all about smells.

15. Speaking of smells�as a tactile human? Freshly-showered girl-I-love is the best smell on the planet.

16. Second best would be the head of a clean little boy I call my son.

17. Still on smells? Half the fun of all the cooking this boy does is the ongoing smell up the house with yum. YUM!

18. Wants to ask the various DiaryLand humans if anyone has a Zeppelin he could ride in before he croaks? Anybuddy? One of you must own a phrigging blimp. Pony? Now?

19. Thinks that the various El-Ronner actors and actresses are rather poor at their jobs�and wonders if their apparent-to-this-diarist-- lack of talent is related to their audits. This means you Travolta, Cruise, Elfman, et cetera. Hubbardite goofballs. PS.? Your admiral was never even in the Navy.

20. Applauds the St. Petersburg Times for their long-running willingness to stand up to Scientology.

21. Also applauds Google� for relinking the content that they originally wussed on due to prospective lawsuits from that incredibly litigious supposed-CHURCH.

22. Loves big dogs and can�t wait to have another.

23. Needs to remember to make Sweetbreads and give you folks the recipe soon.

24. Has pretty much annoyed every lover in his life by putting his mouth over their nose and inhaling or exhaling because it makes such a cool sound in the back of their throat.

25. OOOH! Got a very cool very bright (brightest legal/personal) green laser that he uses to point out stars and planets for his son of late. [And yes, it is locked up so the kid can�t fry his eyes, thanks.]

26. Cheating HERE {arrows pointing at DaSauce) Had someone ask recently: �Did you have a favorite blanket/stuffed animal/object of serenity as a small child?� And the answer is yes, and luckily it is in a box in the garage somewhere�as YerSauce thinks it pretty cool that someone hung onto it for him. It was a stuffed basset hound named Harvey�and is rather threadbare and has a couple of wires sticking out of leg areas, but supposedly was well and truly loved.

27. Thinks it really cool that he got to find a way to get even on the cheating in his diary with someone.

28. Apologizes for the random and oblique moment above. Grin.

29. In the embarrassing but true category? Had his nose broken and his eyes swollen shut around 7th grade because he was stupid enough to flip off a smaller 9th grader who was being an asshole (but was also holding a baseball bat and smashed him in the schnozzle with it.)

30. The same year he had a pal that took him on his first tour of the NYC subways at 3 am and thought it would be fun to take him out to Coney Island. The movie Warriors still resonates after that night.

31. This very same pal lived way the hell up in an apartment on Central Park�and used a telescope to spy on gals in local buildings. For some reason this didn�t appeal to YerSauce as much as he thought it would at the time.

32. Loves Vermont Cob (as in Corn) Smoked Anything. Bacon. Ham, Cheese� MMMMmmmm!

33. Oooh! Really loves to go to Maine from Vermont because just as you cross the border into DownEastLand they have these cool little shacks where they make Lobster Rolls. A lobster roll is chunks of fresh steamed (proper) cold-water-Maine-Lobster sitting in a good top-sliced frankfurter bun with butter drizzled atop it. Slurp!

34. Also really lives for the warehouse style Lobster Dumps up there where they serve you a pair of Chick (1.25 pound-ish) Lobsters and a bunch of other stuff you don�t want for five bucks. But better? They use old ship boilers to flash-cook the Lobsters in superheated steam and their own juices. Itsa mental food orgasm just thinking of those succulent babies.

35. In no particular order thinks that Food, Sex, Reading, Sleep and a Good Crap, are his top five list.

36. Just read the above as it flashed past and realized that he is SUCH a PHUCKING BOY.

37. Wishes he could fit coffee into that top five.

38. Wears a size 13 (American) shoe.

39. Broke his toe-rings recently and can�t find any full-loop variety silver units�and is told by the locals that he�ll hafta wait for the Orange County Fair to get more.

40. Just bought tix to take his son to see the Persuasions this coming summer and hopes the next job isn�t too far away from the venue for the show.

41. Has been at this for 12 minutes and really ought to hurry as it would be a waste to put more than 20 minutes into an entry�much as he loves and respects DaReaders.

42. Had a full night of sex on a beach once? And as romantic as the whole thing sounded, he was still getting sand out of various orifices two days later�and as a fastidious bather this kinda sucked. Further? Sandpapering ones unit just is not fun.

43. Is a phucking magnet for mosquitoes? How does this happen? Anyone who stands near him in a bug-infested region loves DaSauce as DaScent clearly calls the little phuckers.

44. Has seen ball lightning at sea.

45. Has also seen three waterspouts out there.

46. Loves the little phosphorescent plankton stuff that roils behind the prop-wash of a ship.

47. Met the former Phalangist president of Lebanon the day he was blown up.

48. Would prefer bubble-water, coffee, tea, and regular still/spring water to any other beverages.

49. Is halfway done and is not going to do this in under 20 minutes�but is going to get hot in hopes of getting close.

50. Still Can�t BELIEVE that no other diarylander has You Can�t Take It With You (Capra, Academy Award �38?) as a favorite film.

51. Wants someone to snake two albums for him, as he owns them somewhere on vinyl but cannot find CD copies to save his life.

52. The first is Stinky Groove, by the Limbomaniacs�and that was on CD, owned it; lost it--on that media.

53. The second is No Mercy (which was a Suicidal Tendencies side band.) ST has since covered most of the tunes but they aren�t as good as the originals�and even Mikie Muir claims he hasn�t got a copy. Phucker.

54. Doesn�t much like sweets in general.

55. But makes KICK-ASS Cheesecakes, and had to make 15 of them for his own wedding, back in the day.

56. Loves oatmeal.

57. Never has had a pet name for any body part.

58. Nor wants one.

59. But is fond of them all anyway.

60. Can speak words while burping.

61. Heard a story about boys needing to do self-exams of the prostate at least once a week�and is completely agog at the prospect.

62. Had a prostate exam about two hours before he had his appendix out, and the pain combined with the idiot doing the exam and not warning him before the finger strike, had the guy yelling, �Unclench! Unclench! That hurts! I can�t get my finger out! Unclench! Nurse! Muscle relaxant! Now!�

63. That was a true story. These are all true stories.

64. Sadly.

65. Even funnier, remembers being demoral�d to the gills and making fun of the folks in scrubs for having their names on the sides of their sneakers.

66. Was fairly sure that they shouldn�t be operating if they couldn�t remember their own names.

67. Had his now Now Noncompetent Ex (she had strokes, go back to entry three) Crying as he went into have that same appendix out� Told her he would be fine. Remembers her telling him that she wasn�t worried about THAT! It was the uninsured moment that was bugging her. Still funny, sorta.

68. Drove a station wagon through a small galvanized under walkway tunnel between a ski-area parking lot and the ski-area. Tore off his bumper trying to turn up the hill at the end. Was 16 at the time.

69. Did a lot of stupid shit in his teen years.

70. Once thumbed down to the Cape and hopped a boat to the Vineyard at age Just-17 to go to a party.

71. Was a great party.

72. Saw his first ever-seen-orgy from the deck while chatting with a gal pal.

73. Upset his father quite a bit because he didn�t tell him he was leaving and was gone for five days.

74. Never called.

75. This boy hopes his son doesn�t do that to him. But knows he probably will.

76. Wants to go back to Finland around solstice in June again� It was weird and wonderful not having the sun actually set. It just got low at about 3 am, and came up again.

77. Wishes boys could be multiorgasmic.

78. Well, really doesn�t give a shit about other boys having that.

79. Wants it for himself.

80. Types really fast, but is surprised that he is already 20 minutes into this�

81. Clearly we are in record territory for time spent on an entry here.

82. Saw the coolest diss anyone has ever offered about his content today.

83. It reads: �I read this persons current entry...and I could've sworn I was brought to another planet and was evesdropping on some alien rubbish. Blah.�

84. YerSauce almost corrected her spelling of person�s and eavesdropping but decided not to�

85. You are reading alien rubbish! Wheeeee!

86. DaKiddo surprised DaSauce at age 2.5 one morning. He was wandering in and out of the sliding glass door by the then deck to the pool in Texas. He kept saying, �Inside. Outside. Inside. Outside.� A moment later he was pulling on his father�s boxer shorts and saying, �Opposites.�

87. Parenting Rocks.

88. This boy doesn�t mind one way or another if he has more children or not, even though he never planned to have his son an only child.

89. Life does things like that.

90. It was common during DaSauce�s childhood in Vermont for girls (local self-proclaimed hicks) to chew tobacco. YerSauce never dated one of those dames. The idea of kissing them hurt his head.

91. Hates long-ass plane rides. Boring! Thinks any flight over 12 hours ought to offer tranquilizer dart service and stack our asses like cordwood.

92. Got the NEW WIDESCREEN remaster of the Princess Bride today and is going to watch it in progressive-scan and redone Dolby Digital glory this weekend.

93. Possibly will see it twice to get the new commentary track the second time.

94. Won�t let his little boy see it, so it�ll have to be evening-after-boy-bedtime.

95. Is thrilled to have made some of the online pals he has made doing this DairyLand (sic) thing.

96. Actually wants to meet some of them. Grin.

97. Is going to have an adult beverage and a stinking-ass American Spirit cigarette on completion of this list.

98. Has quit three times this year�and vows to be permanently quit before the year is out.

99. Wants to take this moment to let you know that he just farted, and it was the coolest-high-pitched toot he has heard from his own arse in months. And how appropriate is it that it landed now?

---DaSauceIsSorryAndExcusesHimselfForFartingOnThatLastNumber