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2003-01-05 --- 9:44 p.m.

Would you, Could You With A Goat?

DaSauce is consistently and contextually confused by Dr. Seuss.

First, an extra-short, yet-thrilling- bio of DatSeussGuy?

Theodore S. Geisel, was born in lovely Springfield, Mass. just after the turn of the century.

[Sideways Moment? Remind me to tell you of the joys of being one of seven boys from a pair of schools in Deerfield, Ma. invited to spend a trimester at MacDuffie School For Girls, in Springfield—seven boys in a boarding school for females. Talk about popular? What fun for a testosterone-ridden teen-age boyo.]

Anyway…our hero tonight, Ted who was middle-named and mother’s maiden-named Seuss (originally pronounced Zeuzz,) was already a rather confused human before heading to Hangover, New Hampshire to go to school at SmartMoth. From there he did the Oxford With Intent To Doctorate Thang as avoidance of real work.

Somewhere along the way—as he was huffing insecticide and continuing to draw—he managed to get the attention of the folks who pimped a bug-killer called Flit. Imagine the joys of doing caricatures of evil-phucks like Der FÜRHER—as a big-ol’ nasty-ass bug—and having a husband and wife combo infested by the bastard. Add the caption, “Quick, Henry, the Flit!” and what you have is hilarious art and salesmanship.

Speaking of ships—while trapped on one for a time and crossing the puddle between the happily-former-colonies and the wilds of Europe—he penned a fantastic journey for a kid set in his childhood stomping grounds of Mulberry Street in Springfield, Massachusetts. After being called a touch-hole and a reject by scads (some put it in the low forties) of publishers— And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street was printed. Modest hit in hand, he went on. You prolly know the rest.

[See? Bios aren’t so much work. Why do pholks like Doris Kearns Goodwin act like they are SOME BIG DEAL?]

Now, back to the confusion about his textual intercourse--started above.

Contextually, this guy was a parental-frigging-brain-bender.

DaSauce reads DaSon DaSeuss

We’ve his books, by the caboose

One might/could expect

And be deemed correct

That past fly blue thoughts

As shit blasts through goose.

[Sorry. That was a seven second brain fart. Back to our target, eh?]

Let’s take a walk through some Seussian, but, directly targeted writings from- out-of-context-land, shall we?

For the child of the seventies?

“Foxes with boxes.”

For the married that call each other Ma and Pa?

“Hop on pop.”

For dark-arts fans, dirty old men, or readers of Bulfinch's?

“Would you, could you, with a goat?”

For those getting phucky?

“Just tell yourself, Duckie, you're really quite lucky!”

For Corvette, Mercedes, and Beemer drivers?

“Shorth is better than length.”

For fathers of attractive-brunette-like-gals (from dasauce?)

“You make 'em, I amuse 'em.”

For prospective non-virgins?

“If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good.”

For the gutter-minded?

“You're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in.”

For gay males in the DaAudience?

“Some come from ahead and some from behind.”

For fans of former-Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders?

“You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.”

For the gal (alone) in a bar full of dicks?

“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.”

For (you) DaSauce reader?

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”

That could have gone on for a year. Seuss was a bad man. Bad.


*Please note, in regard to the bio, most of the above was real and correct—some of it is just randomly pulled right-the-hell out of my ass—to fit the context. That would be what is called illiterary license.

*One more annotation? Anything in quotes ™ & © Dr. Seuss Enterprises

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